Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Sweet Jane

One year ago today is the last time I saw my mother alive. I have been fully aware for months and months that this week, this dreaded anniversary date was coming, March 17, 2012 - the day my mother died. But as I was driving to a yoga class today with Hana, my first yoga teacher and herself, at age 71, kind of a mother figure to me, well, it dawned on me that on Tuesday of the week of my mom's death was the last day I physically saw her. We spoke on the phone but Tuesday was the day. My dogs had a "play date" at their house so it was kind of our day to catch up, maybe have lunch, or I would just sit around with them and visit. Well, that day I was busy as usual, so had only time for a quick hello and goodbye upon taking and picking up the dogs later that afternoon. How I wish I could take that day back and have spent the day, shopping or stuffing our faces at Mimi's as we liked to do.

So, as I'm driving down Western Avenue, it dawned on me that this was the day and for a moment I feared losing control and just outright balling my eyes out like I did for the first few weeks and months after her death.  Then a song came on the radio, a song I had heard in Emily's restorative yoga class a couple of weeks ago," Sweet Jane". I couldn't believe it and I began to cry, but I was sad and almost happy at the same time, thinking Mom was talking to me.

I got to class and was fine, and then afterward Hana talked about some flowers she had brought from her garden for another student who was not in class that day and she offered them to me. I tried to get her to give them to someone else but she seemed rather insistent that I take them so of course I did. I didn't really think about it until I got to the next class that I was teaching and then I just couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and I told the story to my students.

There were a couple of things my mother loved to do, read and putter with her plants. I will plant these cuttings in my garden for my mother, Sweet Jane.

                                        Roxanne, Tommy, Sam & Grandma Jane
Last picture taken of Mom

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