The ride seemed to take forever but we finally arrived at our hotel, like a zombie, I just walked into the lobby. Most of the other families had arrived earlier in the day and Sam's girlfriend Lauren, and best friend Luke were some of the first we saw as I think maybe Sam had texted some of them the news, I really don't remember. I barely remember going straight to the front desk, explaining my situation and then being surrounded by other parents. They took us to dinner, helped me book a flight, I layed down for 3 hours of rest in which I literally cried myself to sleep and then awoke to more tears as my phone alarm sounded, and in my same clothes that I had arrived in, took a cab, alone in the dark at 3:30 in the morning back to the airport.
Now even looking back as I write this, I can't believe my mother is gone. Can't believe it has been one year. It really is true that time heals as the first several nights and weeks I would sob through some nights. You just feel yourself dropping into this hole wondering if you are ever going to come out, knowing that you are the one who controls that. Losing a parent is natural, it's the circle of life or whatever you want to call it. I have friends who have lost children, and I honestly don't know if I would be able to pull myself out of that kind of grief.
I am grateful I did not ever have to see my mother suffer as she did her mother, and they both were praying for my grandmother's death. But, I just wish I could have told my mom I loved her one more time. I miss her so much.
This past year has been the worst of my life. I am grateful though, for a husband who loves me very much, and the support from his family has been tremendous. Roxanne living at home has helped me too. With Sam graduating and my coaching job ending, I don't know how I could have made it through each day.
|Enjoying a beer after my tattoo!|
|Rox held my hand but it didn't hurt one bit!|
|I love it!!!|
|on one of our trips to Florida, Mom loved the beach!|
|Best mommy ever!|