Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day! I read a rant this morning from someone on FB blasting others for posting pictures and comments on this day. This person lost their father a couple of years ago. As you  know, I lost my best friend and mother a year ago. I would never begrudge anyone honoring their mother on this special day.

Who I do resent this day is my own father. I have a father that I was never close to and now feel extreme guilt over the fact that I don't spend enough time with. I don't know why. He doesn't pick up the phone to call me, only when he needs something. I call him almost daily now, take him food, take him to doctors appointments. Don't get my wrong, I don't mean to bitch about this situation, he is my father and I honor that. He is not a mean man. Part of me thinks he is bi-polar or crazy but I just think he was raised in a time where you didn't show emotion.  Jim and I watched "This is 40" the other night and I laughed watching the young Apatow actress start cussing at her parents as I remember the first time I did this to my dad. He showed no emotion ever, so as I entered the difficult years, I tried anything to get a rise out of him, like calling him a "fucking asshole" more than once! He did not react, only ended up not speaking to me at one time for almost two years.

My father did not attend my wedding. This is a pain I have gotten over but will never forget. How I long for a picture to post today of my dad walking me down the aisle but that did not happen. But please, friends, continue to post your photos as they bring a smile to my face. And even though at times, my daughter fights and yells and screams at her dad, I know that one day she will have her own picture to share and I will smile through my tears.

1 comment:

  1. Eloquent, and real. Life is full of regrets indeed. I'm not sure the pain ever really goes away. Thank you